I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
