You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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