guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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