I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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