I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
