i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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