By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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