He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
