my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
