We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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