Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
God, I missed his penis.
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