Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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