i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
