I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
