i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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