Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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