I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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