I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
