Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize