We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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