I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
