none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
