Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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