My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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