i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize