pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize