I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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