he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
