I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
