I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Say something about gay babies.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
