okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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