would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She bit a glass in half.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
