I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's blow job season.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
