I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
