My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
