if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
