ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
