Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
