yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
