need another drink. this is the easiest way
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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