I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
