Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
