why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
