Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You are a genius and a whore.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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