Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
