p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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