Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
