I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
