1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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