You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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