so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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