did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize