I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
