you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
