somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
