Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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