I'm jealous of your bromance
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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