found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
