Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need a beard to bite.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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