do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
