I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
