why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
