the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
