handjob tips. give me some.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize