Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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