I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
