I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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