SEEEEXXX PLEASE
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
