I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
BRING THE BAGELS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
