Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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